By: NewNaturalista
I love my hair. Metaphysician Nassir Ra said it best: “Natural hair is the extension of what’s happening inside of you. Evolution.”
Chopping off my relaxed hair is literally one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself! I couldn’t care less about the thoughts or perceptions of strangers, which by the way has been overwhelmingly positive from those who choose to talk to me about it.
It’s the opinions of my loved ones that hurt the most.
The other day a matriarch in our family commented to another family member that my hair was holding me back. I literally lost my breath for a moment when I heard this. A few thoughts came to mind:
1. I love to make my family proud. I work in a highly competitive field and I’ve done pretty well for myself. So, after I’ve working so hard to be at the top of my game it frankly hurts to hear that a matriarch would have the perception that I was being “held back.”
2. How could this loved one, who helped raise and nurture me not see the value in me being true to myself?
Days after hearing this I’m still pretty sad and angry about it.
My big question is WHY during this time of growth and self awareness am I so sensitive about this? Part of me feels that by wearing my hair natural I AM going against the grain, as it grows I know I am making more of a statement – and the love and support of my family is SO important to me.
Have you ever experienced this type of flack from your family and if so how have you dealt with it?
10 comments
Natasha -- MyDreadlocks.com says:
Nov 16, 2010
“Have you ever experienced this type of flack from your family and if so how have you dealt with it?”
To answer your two questions succinctly: “Yes and I kept it moving.”
Longer version: It’s the Scorpio in me which means I’ll tolerate foolishness for a really long time
But then there’s a point where I’ll have to stop laughing, give a loving but stern look and explain in one brief sentence why that topic irritates me.
See it’s a long, drawn out combination kind of deal. It’s worked with elders and they’ve backed off. So much to the point where they’re coming to me for all the natural hair care goodies.
They’ll come around. You can’t force them to like in the meantime but you can stake your claim to self-expression.
admin says:
Nov 16, 2010
Tell it!
Nicole says:
Nov 18, 2010
I completely understand where you’re coming from! I actually had an elder member of my family offer to buy me a wig to cover my natural hair, thinking I’d be more successful in my job search. (A moot point seeing how from my resume they had no way of knowing I was a 24 year old black woman with natural hair!) I was infuriated, especially since the message was relayed to me by my mother. Thankfully, she does not agree with him, though I battled with her in the beginning. I make it no secret that my hair is my business and that I’m proud of my mane. They’re slowly coming to accept that fact!
NappyMuseTV says:
Nov 21, 2010
I am talking about this post today on Jaye’s NappyNooz on Nappturalite Radio.
admin says:
Nov 21, 2010
@NappyMuseTV – I will have to check out the replay!
Kitty says:
Nov 24, 2010
Yes and no actually. I’m Afro Puerto Rican and I got mostly positive, but some negative comments. My mother was very supportive when I cut off my relaxer at 15 and my locs at 16. She was actually sad when I cut off my locs lol! I went back and forth on relaxers until I became permantely natural. I’ve always been complemented on my BCs and TWAs.
Only a few realtives in PR (when my fro was really a mess), would ask if I combed my hair. And during that initial time, sometimes my Mom would ask when I was going to do something with my hair.
I would recieve more negative comments with my relaxed hair than natural.
admin says:
Nov 24, 2010
@Kitty, interesting. So for the most part people are more supportive of your natural state vs. your relaxed hair? Progress! I’m happy to hear it.
Jae Lanae says:
Dec 1, 2010
I’ve experienced this mainly from my mom. All of my friends and even those I don’t know have complimented my newly formed curls from my big chop but my mom has been a different story. She’s rather I get it pressed or straightened in some other fashion. She even went as far as joking to perm my hair in my sleep. I feel like I’ve worked hard to go natural. Before even cutting my hair, taking care of it, getting the right products that my hair responds to, and going to get my big chop. I can’t keep my hands out of my hair and I’m proud of my decision to go natural!!!
admin says:
Dec 1, 2010
@jae lanae – thanks for sharing your story. Your mom BETTER NOT bring a perm kit near your head while you sleep! :LOL
Michele Griffin says:
Jan 8, 2011
Oh my goodness,my mother uttered a similiar response once I decided not to manipulate my natural hair. As a child I had my hair straightened with the hot comb (remember those days, “hold your ear child” and grease sizzling), well after I explained I wanted to wear my hair natural, no straightening, no texturizer, just natural, the comments kept coming. How will you comb it, who will do it, please get your hair done. Well, I have finally found a natural haircare expert, visiting her today for some tips and I am going to keep, grow and maintain my natural hair